Bi-Polar Illness: 50 Years Of It

RonPrice · Last edited by RonPrice on Mon Jul 17, 2006 3:56 am, edited 1 time in total

More recently I have come to see my experience of bi-polar disorder as my personal ‘horror story’ and a gift from the gods depending on one’s perspective. Baha'u'llah says that tests and fifficulties are often like fire and vengeance but inwardly like light and mercy. That has certainly been the case with this disability.

From time to time I submit my story at various sites on the internet, sites that have an interest in the subject of mental illness. It may be a little too clinical, too personal, for the tastes of some readers and lacking in pizzaz-adventure-and-excitement for a good novel or horror story. But my account below contains its own degree of very real horror--the only horror that I have tasted in life and a horror that has been virtually alleviated since 1980. This is no fantasy creation for middle class readers, but I hope it is useful for those who suffer from some varieties of mental illness.

Preamble:

After half a dozen episodes, varying in length from several days to several months, of manic-depressive illness between 1963 and 1980, I was treated with lithium carbonate in Launceston by a psychiatrist, Dr. Glinka. Looking back from the perspective of half a century, I could begin my story in 1956. But I will leave the story to the sixties.

I have been on lithium now for twenty six years: 1980 to 2006. My mood swings, now, in 2006, take place, for the most part, at night with the death wish still part of the experience. The symptoms that affect my daily working capacity are fatigue and psychological weariness after a night of light sleeping, tossing and turning and a feeling that I have not slept at all. Dryness of the mouth and short term memory loss also seem to affect my daily life as a result, perhaps, of the eight ECT treatments I had as far back as the late 1960s. Feel free to contact my psychiatrist, Dr. Eric Ratcliffe, at 155 George Street in Launceston(63312122) or my G.P., Dr. Jane Zimmerman, at the Anne Street Medical Services in George Town(63824333) for more details and a professional assessment. I have discussed my case with Drs. Ratcliffe and Zimmerman for several years and they would both be happy to discuss my case should you want any clarification and elaboration of the issues and medical assessments involved.

It seemed appropriate to provide some detailed statement, a statement that expands on the information provided on the official government form and gives some useful detail for other sufferers. The issue of this bi-polar illness is a complex one, varies from person to person and has come up many times over the more than fifty years that I have had to deal with its symptoms in my personal and working life. It is difficult to characterize my condition. I hope the account below may be of use to anyone assessing my application for a Disability Services Pension or simply wanting a more detailed description of my experience with what is now called a bi-polar disorder.

Long-term 1962/3-2002/3:

There seems to be a process, one that I experience on a daily basis now in which I cross from normal behaviour to an abnormal extreme. I would call it a tedium vitae attitude and behaviour. Due to this "process" over the last forty years in a much more accentuated form until 1990, it has been difficult to define just where I was at any one time along that 'normal-abnormal' continuum. This was true at both the depressive end and the hypomanic end of the spectrum. It is difficult, therefore, to actually name the number of times when I have had major manic-depressive episodes, perhaps as many as eight, certainly as few as four, in my whole life, until the last brief episode in 1990 when I went off my lithium for between one and three months.

At the hypomanic end there were experiences like the following: "violent emotional instability and oscillation", "abrupt changes" and "a sudden change in a large number of intellectual assumptions."1 Mental balance, a psychological coherence between intellect and emotion and a rational reaction to the outside world all seemed to blow away, over a few hours or a few days, as I was plunged in a sea of what could be variously described as: emotional heat, intense awareness, sensitivity, sleeplessness, voluble talking, racing mental activity, fear, excessive and clearly irrational paranoia--and in 1968 virtually total incoherence at times--at one end of the spectrum; or intense depression, melancholia, an inner sense of despair and a desire to commit suicide at the other end. The latter I experienced from 1963 to 1965, off and on; the former from 1964 to 1990, on several occasions.

The longest depression was in 1963 and 1964 with perhaps two six month periods from June to November and July to December, respectively. The longest episode of hypomania was from June to November 1968. The hypomania in 1978, 1979, 1980 and 1990 were treated quickly with medication, although the 1978 episode, beginning in January, seemed to last for at least three or four months and had a mostly depressive component. I had no experience of this variously characterized illness in childhood. It was not until I was 19 that any characteristics of this illness became apparent in my day-to-day life. My episodes seemed to be quite separate tendencies; hypomania often lead to depression and vice versa. In the 1978 episode, elation and depression followed each other within a two to three month period. Clearly, in the episodes in the late '70s, fear, paranoia and the extremes of depression seemed to be much less than those of the 1960s.

I think that is enough for now. I could write more--and perhaps I will at a later date.-Ron Price, Tasmania

bluefin · Newbie Joined: Jul 20, 2005 Posts: 6

hello
i am sorry to hear your story
well just relax and take it easy
everything will gradullay reach normal stage
take one step at a time
all be well
god bless

RonPrice · Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 3:34 am Post subject: Thanks Bluefin

I only took my story up to 1978, the rest goes like this:

_____________________________
3. Manic-Depression: Short-term 2002-2006

In 2002 Dr. Eric Ratcliffe, my supervising psychiatrist in Launceston, suggested I go onto fluvoxamine in addition to the lithium treatment. Fluvoxamine is an anti-depressant. The fluvoxamine removed the blacknesses I experienced at night, from late in the evening to early morning. The death-wish has always been associated with these blacknesses. With the fluvoxamine, gradually the blacknesses, the depressions, disappeared. The death wish remained as did sleeping problems. Frequent urination, periodic nausea and memory problems related, in part, to the shock treatments I had back in the 1960s were new problems. But the dark and debilitating feelings, I had experienced for so many years, were at last removed. After forty years of bi-polar disorder with periodic debilitating episodes, most of the worst symptoms seemed at last to have been treated.

4. Other Physical Difficulties:

Three years ago I was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease or emphysema which gives me a shortage of breath. I also suffered from RSI which I treated with exercise, thus lessening the effects. These two conditions exacerbated the remaining bi-polar symptoms by making it difficult to engage in an activity for more than short periods of time. The memory problem also contributes, as you can appreciate, to many practical problems in day-to-day life. I mention these things because, although my bi-polar disorder is largely treated, there is a constellation of physical and psychological difficulties remaining. For the most part in community life I rarely talk about these things and most people who know me have no idea of my medical history or the difficulties I live under physically. I have for many years regarded these difficulties as part of my own spiritual battles that I must face.

In the last decade or so there has developed in psychiatry what has been called a Recovery Model for treatment and care. This model puts the onus on the person with the disorder to work out what is his or her best way to cope, to survive, in society given the conditions of their illness. Such an individual must work out the techniques and strategies for day-to-day living. With each individual the disorder is idiosyncratic; individual consumers of mental health services must work out what is best for them in terms of these services and in terms of what activities are appropriate for them within their coping capacity in life’s day-to-day spectrum.

5. My Wife’s Illness:

My wife, Christine, has also not been well for many years since we moved north of Capricorn in 1982. The doctors do not know what the cause of her physical problems is, but they are problems that make life difficult for her and our life together. Her symptoms include: dizziness, nausea, back-ear-and-eye ache, headache, among some two dozen or more maladies. Sometimes, with the aid of steroids, she seems to recover for a time, but when she goes off the steroids her symptoms get worse.

Perhaps the one advantage my wife’s ill-health has is that it allows me to focus on her problems, to talk about her problems, when the subject comes up in community life and thus take the focus off of my own disability. Consequently, people have little idea of the physical problems I face and much more of an idea of hers. I don’t mind this for I am not particularly interested in talking about my disability, but it has the disadvantage of people having little idea of the battles I face in my personal life.

6. Concluding Statement:

This brief and general account summarizes both the long history of this illness and where I am at present in what has been a life-long battle. I think it is important to state, in conclusion, that I possess a clinical disorder, a bio-chemical, an electro-chemical, imbalance having to do with brain chemistry. The transmission of messages in my brain is simply overactive. One to two percent of the population suffer from this illness. The extremes of this illness are now largely treated by lithium carbonate and fluvoxamine but a residue of symptoms remains which I have described briefly above. The other factors that describe my personal situation I have also outlined and need to be taken into consideration as well.

I have gone into the detail I have above because I wanted to give you some idea of the extent of this illness and its subtle and not-so-subtle affects. I really feel quite exhausted from the battle with this illness and would prefer to continue to serve in everyday life in ways that my health allows.

I have had a radio program for more than three years in Launceston for the Baha'i community and have been involved in small writing and community tasks here in George Town. All these tasks involve only short bursts of energy and activity. I am also involved in various domestic activities here in George Town again involving short periods of time. These activities are all within my capacity for short time periods, periods also necessitated by my chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, but that is a separate issue which I do not want to overemphasise.

In three years I will be 65 and will go on the Australian Pension. I have not worked in full time employment for seven years for reasons associated with this illness. I have been on a Disability Services Pension(DSP) for four years. Although I have been treated for the worst side-affects of manic-depressive illness, I have little energy, enthusiasm or capacity for full-time employment and it is for this reason I have been granted the DSP. My short-term memory loss often feels like the beginning of a dementia condition, although I had a memory test administered in 2001 at the Medical Services clinic in George Town and it did not indicate the beginnings of dementia. My wife, though, who knows me well and experiences the affects of this memory loss, has been very concerned and often frustrated by behaviour associated with my memory loss for several years now. All of this adds to my present incapacity.

I trust the above outline provides an adequate information base for you to evaluate my situation. I apologize for going on at such length, but I felt it was essential to put you in the picture, so to speak. I look forward to hearing from anyone in the weeks ahead should my experience be relevant to your own.

Ron Price
September 2005
and Updated July 2006

PS After posting this item nearly a year ago and receiving some responses at various sites, I thought I would add a little perspective here on what for some readers may be seen as "an awefully personal" story, a little too personal for the internet. So let me say a few things to place what I have said above in a more balanced, a more general, a more reflective--and I hope--helpful overview._____________________

1. What I have written here is written for a mental health readership at mental health sites and sub-sites on the internet, intended to be useful for people with mental health difficulties and those who suffer from similar debilitating health problems.
2. Mental health and mental problems have been stigmatized for so long that any contribution to the de-stigmatization of the disability is useful. I see my paragraphs above as part of that process.
3. I am now in my sixties, have been troubled with this problem for over half a century and am not as sensitive about personal revelations as I was for so many decades when to even mention one had any mental illness in public or in any job application process was unwise. I would have benefited from reading such a statement years ago. Of course, now in this new millennium, one can read these things, these stories of mental illness among a host of other personal stories--for they are common--on the internet, in books and at libraries. The electronic media give exposure, too, to personal and intimate problems and they are losing they hyper-sensitivity, their stigma, at last.

That's enough for now. I look forward to any readers responding and encourage those with genuine mental health problems to search out the internet sites which are relevant. some are of high quality and very helpful. Leave it to you.-Ron

__________________________

PS Tremendous help came my way as a result of my beliefs in the Baha'i Faith.

TrafficProducer · Newbie Joined: Apr 15, 2005 Posts: 7

What is your view of ECT, helpful or made you feel worse?

Here's a few links that may be of interest to you.

Anxiety and phobia treatments and information. With links to other anxiety, phobia and depression related sites. Take that One Step Forward.

The effects of stress on the body. How does stress effect the body. Find out some of the possible biological symptoms.

A site to help you relax. If you are stressed try these relaxing images.

RonPrice · Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 5:00 pm Post subject: ECTs Etc

I had a program of 8 to 12 treatments/ECTs-I have trouble remembering. Actually the affect on my memory has been minimal, although it is difficult to to actually assess this since all of us are somewhat forgetful. These ECTs were administered in the summer of 1968. They helped me to turn the corner of what was then called: (a) a schizo-affective disorder and later (b) manic-depressive illness, now bi-polarism.

I outline my story in some detail above because my illness, now largely treated, has so many variants in the experience people have of this illness, disorder, problem. One can read the stories now on many internet sites, of course, and one can go to libraries and buy books in bookshops. There was very little back in the 1960s that the lay person could read. With the advance of lithium in the late 60s and now several other excellent drugs from the chemotherapy world, people like me can live a decent life.

I think another reason I provide the detail I do here is, in part at least, a reaction to the relative public ignorance of even 40 years ago when I first contracted the disorder, to say nothing of the ignorance through the last several 1000 years. Diagnosis of bi-polar disorder has come light years from the '50s and '60s, again, to say nothing to even greater dark-age-ism of the '30s and '40s.

There is still a stigma out there in the public domain as far as mental illness is concerned--and as far as manic-depressive illness in particular. Millions of dollars are starting to be poured into mental health treatment programs and my paragraphs of writing here are partly to help that stigma to die. As someone said: you can fight a stigma with a dogma--if it's the right dogma.-Ron Price, George Town.

RonPrice · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 7:04 am Post subject: It Looks Like the Last Post Here

It has been 15 months since my first post and 3 months since my last. I will add one comment, unless and until, someone adds another post on this thread. One of the problems faced by those who suffer from bi-polar disorder(and many others as well) is that they are on the receiving end of endless advice. The propensity for giving others advice is, in many ways, like a disease. I wish you all well and thank the many at many of the bi-polar sites for their encouraging and positive comments.-Ron Price, Tasmania.-Ron